• June 2016

Are You Afraid of Success?

“Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you,” said Bethany Hamilton, the American professional surfer who survived a 2003 shark attack in which her left arm was bitten off, and ultimately returned to — and was victorious in — professional surfing.

Her book, Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Fighting to Get Back on the Board, became a feature film in April 2011 that starred Helen Hunt, Carrie Underwood, and Dennis Quaid, among other celebrities.

So what can we learn about success, failure, and courage from this truly amazing woman? That’s the topic we tackle in the June 2016 issue of Be Inkandescent magazine.

To help guide us on our journey is author, consultant, and executive coach Russell Bishop, who was one of the founding editors at the Huffington Post. He writes, “What if you could actually create the success you say you want in life? Could your fear of success actually get in your way?” Interesting question, right? Scroll down for his insights.

Also in this issue:

  • Are you in the FLWSTATE? “It’s not what you do but how you do it,” says Aidan Sheahan, the 24-year-old professional skier who focuses on being mindful and navigating this world with two feet planted firmly on the ground, even when he’s flying through the air.
  • What are the three major sins of sales management? “Hyper Sales Growth” author Jack Daly explains.
  • Play with your food! What better way to achieve success than to make your hands, and belly, happy? Try this fun recipe for waffles — in French — by Dylan Gibbs, 17.

We leave you with this parting thought from Winston Churchill, who said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” Read more words of wisdom in this month’s Inkandescent Quotes.

Here’s to your Inkandescent success. — Hope Katz Gibbs, publisher, Be InkandescentIllustration by MichaelGibbs.com

Are You More Afraid of Success Than Failure?

By Russell Bishop
Author, consultant, and executive coach

What if you could actually create the success you say you want in life? Could your fear of success get in your way?

The fear of failure is a somewhat common scapegoat in the world of excuses. In a 2011 Wall Street Journal article, the director of DARPA, Dr. Regina Dugan, argued that “you can’t lose your nerve for the big failure, because the nerve you need for the big success is the exact same nerve.”

Indeed, Dr. Dugan brings an important element into the discussion of what it takes to get ahead. You do need to be able to stomach the downside potential of any move you make to get ahead, even if it’s as simple and mundane as the risk you assume when you get behind the wheel of your car.

However, when confronting the myriad challenges we face in life, one oft-overlooked limiting factor might just be what some have called the “fear of success.”

Fear of success and fear of failure can be very closely aligned. On the surface, this notion might seem ridiculous — what on Earth could be scary about success? But if you dig a bit below the surface, you might discover some powerfully limiting aspects of your own mindset, of your own approach to life. Let’s do a little digging.

Is “the Familiar” in Your Way?

Consider this question: Have you become accustomed to life as it is for you now? What a dumb question — of course you have, even if what you have become accustomed to is not quite what you would prefer.

We’ve all heard of the “comfort zone,” and most of us have been in a discussion or two about the role of the comfort zone in holding people back. However, most people miss the real power of this notion by wrongly assuming that the comfort zone refers to something about being comfortable.

I know this may sound a bit nuts, but hang in there a moment or two. As you think about this for a bit, you may realize that you are typically most comfortable in surroundings that are most familiar.

Even people who engage in dangerous activities like rock climbing will attest that while it’s not so physically comfortable out there hanging off a rock wall, and while the risks can be high, the experienced rock climber can still be quite comfortable, both with the lack of physical comfort as well as with the inherent risk. Why? Because she is extremely familiar with the environment and what it takes to succeed in climbing that sheer wall.

If you don’t particularly like your job or some other aspect of your life, you may also find that you have become comfortable with it if for no reason other than the fact that it is familiar.

If this is you, if you grouse about your daily circumstances yet keep returning to them, then you may be a member of what I call the “ain’t-it-awful club.” Members of this club love to engage in “one-downsmanship”: “You think that’s bad, wait until you hear this one.” You may also know this one as “misery loves company.”

Perhaps you have also settled for the “weevily peanuts” of life rather than going for life’s banquet table. Settling for less is a very individual set of choices and definitions, and it is not my intent to define either the peanuts or the banquet table for you. However, if you have the sense that you have settled more than strived for what you want, then it might be worth your while to explore how your fear of success is in the way.

As much as you may complain about the job/company/boss, have you become comfortable or familiar with what it takes to get by in your current circumstance — not necessarily to succeed, but to at least get by? Breaking out from the familiar, from what got you here, may not be very comfortable, and it may conjure up some fears or risks in your mind.

Giving up membership in the ain’t-it-awful club and letting go of weevily peanuts may have any number of risks associated with them, but the risks have more to do with new success behaviors than they do with the fear of failure.

What Are the Downsides to Success?

Consider this: What would happen if you were to achieve the success you think you would prefer? What if the job changed dramatically, the income surged, the relationships were vastly improved? Look beyond the obvious (“I’d be richer/happier/better off”) and ask yourself, “What demands would there be on me if …? What would I have to do or be differently?”

This is where it gets interesting. Let’s take a promotion as an example: If you did rise to a higher level in your job, what behaviors or skills would you have to evidence? What would others now demand of you? What would you have to do differently? How would you have to interact differently with co-workers, family, or friends? Are these skills or behaviors that you already have, skills or behaviors with which you are already comfortable?

There’s a good chance that the answer is “no.”

In my career coaching managers and executives in businesses large and small, I have often witnessed the changes that befall the person who wins a promotion, especially when someone moves from co-worker into a management position or from middle management to senior executive.

Co-workers who used to be buddies somehow begin to distance themselves, and the newly minted manager needs to resign membership in the ain’t-it-awful club. No longer is grousing about the boss acceptable; the challenge now is to fix rather than complain. Fixing and complaining are different skill sets. Are you more complainer than fixer?

What Do You Tell Yourself Before You Start?

Have you ever entertained thoughts about what might happen if …? Imagine telling yourself a story that goes something like this: “Well, first I’ll be the one with the office. Then I’ll be the one making decisions. But what if the decisions don’t work out? What if I don’t know what to do? What if I’m not very good at it?

“Now I’m going to tell them what to do, and then I’m going to have to do their performance reviews. How will my friends/co-workers respond to me being in charge? What if they start complaining about me? What if they abandon me?”

These negative “what if” scenarios may sound pretty darn close to fear of failure. However, underneath them lies a precursor fear: “What if I get what I say I want and I’m not prepared to handle it? What if I’m just an imposter pretending that I know what to do?”

The subtle little twist here is that while you might be able to imagine success and even create it, the doubt remains that you will be able to handle it. The fear of success then often shows up as self-doubt, as an inner voice reminding you that you probably can’t handle the success you want.

Fear of success might be in your way. Keep asking yourself what you want out of life and why you want it. What have you told yourself about taking the risks necessary to create what you want? What have you found useful in overcoming obstacles, in creating your own version of success in life?

Don’t stop now!

Click here to read more of Russell Bishop’s “Nine Tips for Stepping Out of Your Fear of Success and Into the Life You Deserve” in this month’s Tips for Entrepreneurs.

Note: Bishop’s articles were originally published in the Huffington Post. Learn more at russellbishop.com.

Russell Bishop's Nine Tips for Stepping Out of Your Fear of Success and Into the Life You Deserve

By Russell Bishop
Author, consultant, and executive coach
Illustration by Michael Gibbs

1. If you don’t know where you are going, any road will do. Get yourself as clear as possible on where you are going and, more importantly, why you are going there. Everyone has had the experience of wanting something, busting their tail to get it, and then wondering why they ever wanted it in the first place. Keep in mind that what you are really after is the underlying experience — for most people that’s a combination of joy, freedom, security, expansion, and love. Click here to for more information and perspective.

2. Imagine success before you even start. Begin with the end in mind — we all know that one. If you know what experience you truly seek, make certain that you begin by imagining yourself succeeding. What will it look like? What will you feel like? What will it be like along the way? Keep imagining that positive outcome. The more you practice succeeding in your mind, the more familiar success will become for you — a new comfort zone will begin emerging, one where success is the new normal. And the more practiced you are at being successful along the way, the more observant you will become on choices you can make along the way that will help you get to the outcome you seek.

3. You don’t get what you deserve — you get what you focus on. If you don’t think you deserve success, then you will focus on the roadblocks, what can go wrong, and myriad other issues, all of which will add up to encountering all manner of challenges, perhaps even self-defeating challenges, along the way. And you may wind up telling yourself that you were right — you don’t deserve success or that people like you don’t win — why else would all of these problems keep showing up? So, keep your focus on those images of success and positive feelings that come with them.

4. Positive thinking just doesn’t work. OK, a bit of a twist here, or so it would seem. If all it took were positive thinking, there’d be a whole lot of people not doing very much except daydreaming. Positive work, works. But how do you take a positive action without a positive focus? Keep a positive focus, keep imagining your successful outcomes, and then take that next step that moves you along the way. Even if that step may seem sideways or even the proverbial one step back, keep moving toward your vision.

5. Embrace what others call failure. Successful human beings do not make mistakes; they just make choices that don’t work out as well as they had hoped. It’s said that Edison tried more than 1,000 combinations of filament and gas before he arrived at a lightbulb that worked. As he framed it, the lightbulb had more than 1,000 steps before it showed up. Thank goodness he didn’t declare failure after the first 500 combinations! Successful people keep on choosing and keep on moving.

6. “It’s a cinch by the inch and hard by the yard.” We all know about the journey of a thousand miles. The question: So how many steps does it take for your particular journey? It’s not just math — a thousand miles divided by the average stride won’t get you there. Getting there gets you there — you may run into detours along the way, unplanned side trips, or any number of new adventures. Just keep the outcome in mind, enjoy each micro-step, and you will have a great time accomplishing your dreams.

7. Be prepared to learn something new along the way. Sometimes the dream changes along the way — not so much the quality of experience but the objective stuff. What if you set out on a goal and discover that there’s something even more fulfilling along the way? The trick is in being willing to explore the new information without sabotaging your mission. The goal or objective may change along the way, but the desired outcome usually stays put, if not actually turns out better than you could have imagined. One of my favorite affirmations: I am experiencing miracles as my seemingly impossible good is happening now. French psychologist Émile Coué said it this way: Every day in every way, I am getting better, better, and better.

8. Enjoy the appetizers along the way to the banquet table. Really fine dining often begins with an amuse-bouche — something to please the palate and invite you into the banquet that is to follow. As you learn more about your journey, you will discover that you are the chef, the server, and the one dining. If you have ever enjoyed a meal prepared by someone who loved what they were doing, then you already know that the best meals are prepared with love and joy. So, put love into your experience. It’s for you after all.

9. Be grateful — every day. Every night before going to sleep, I like to start by acknowledging anything I may have judged myself for during the day and then forgiving myself for having judged myself. That’s an important step in reminding myself that it’s about taking those micro-steps. Next, I go over little things I experienced during the day for which I am grateful. Funny thing is, those little things have a way of building into bigger things and the gratitude builds. Last thing before dropping off to sleep, I imagine those positive outcomes and the gratitude that I hold for them. Now that’s a really good day.

Read more about Russell Bishop at RussellBishop.com.

Do you have the desire to create something new; the strength of conviction to believe your creation will be successful, and the reservoir of energy necessary to thrust it into the marketplace?”

– Steven Schussler

Look at everything as though you were
seeing it either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.”

– Betty Smith

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become.”

– Steve Jobs

If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.”

– Jesse Jackson

When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ‘em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

Confidence is the most important thing you can teach someone… if you can teach them confidence, you don’t have to teach them anything else.”

– Vin Diesel

Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success. A whole, clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!”

– Andrew Carnegie

The fixity of a habit is generally in direct proportion to its absurdity.”

– Marcel Proust

We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”

– Winston Churchill

If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius.”

– Joseph Addison

The world I believed in, back in my most innocent, uninformed, childish mind—is real.”

– Martha Beck

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

– Helen Keller

The person who makes a success of living is the one who see his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication.”

– Cecil B. DeMille

Entrepreneurs willingly assume responsibility for the success or failure of a venture and are answerable for all its facets.”

– Victor Kiam

Change is a math formula. Change happens when the cost of the status quo is greater than the risk of change.”

– Alan Webber, author, "Rules of Thumb"

Don’t wait for someone else to lead you to your right life; that privilege—and responsibility—is yours alone.”

– Martha Beck

We are all of us born with a letter inside us, and that only if we are true to ourselves, may we be allowed to read it before we die.”

– Douglas Coupland

You must learn to be still in the midst of activity 
and to be vibrantly alive in repose.”

– Indira Ghandi

I have spent a good part of my life convincing people that a blank sheet of paper is the greatest opportunity in the world, and not frightening at all.”

– Marty Skler, executive vp, Walt Disney Imagineering

You don’t go into a field that requires cracking people’s heads open or operating on something as delicate as the spinal cord unless you are comfortable with taking risks.”

– Dr. Ben Carson

Entrepreneurs are willing to roll the dice with their money or reputation on the line in support of an idea or enterprise.”

– Victor Kiam

The only dream worth having is to live while you’re alive and die only when you’re dead.”

– Arundhati Roy

Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.”

– E.B. White

Who cares if my glass is half empty or half full; I still have something to drink.”

– Optimism rules

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”

– Abraham Lincoln

I always maintained that the greatest obstacle in life isn’t danger, it’s boredom. The battle against it is responsible for most of the events in the world — good or ill.”

– Dr. Evelyn Vogel, Dexter

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
 what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Success is the necessary misfortune of life, but it is only to the very unfortunate that it comes early.”

– Anthony Trollope

The goal of Life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with nature.”

– Joseph Cambell

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

– T.S. Eliot

Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth. Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”

– Noela Evans

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

– Martin Luther King Jr.

‎Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.”

– Booker T. Washington

As each woman realizes her power, she transforms the world.”

– Patrice Wynne, WomanSpirit Sourcebook

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”

– William Shakespeare

Most people never pick up the phone and call. Most people never ask, and that’s what separates the people who do things from the people who just dream about them.”

– Steve Jobs

Inspiration and genius — one and the same.”

– Victor Hugo

If it really was a no-brainer to make it on your own in business there’d be millions of no-brained, harebrained individuals quitting their day jobs.”

– Bill Rancic, "The Apprentice"

The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something.”

– Nolan Bushnell, founder, Chuck E. Cheese's

The biggest flaw in our existing theory of capitalism lies in its misrepresentation of human nature.”

– Muhammad Yunus

Do you believe it is important to give back some portion of your wealth to support charitable causes?”

– Steven Schussler

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. 
Now put foundations under them.”

– Henry David Thoreau

The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. The greatest failure is to not try.”

– Debbi Fields, Mrs. Fields Cookies

The mind is everything. What you think, you become.”

– Buddha

They who give have all things. They who withhold have nothing.”

– Hindu Proverb

I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent.”

– Thomas Edison

Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.”

– Basil King

The follow-your-gut mentality of the entrepreneur has the potential to take you anywhere you want to go or run you right out of business.”

– Bill Rancic, "The Apprentice"

If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”

– Anna Quindlen

The good ideas are all hammered out in agony by individuals, not spewed out by groups.”

– Charles Brower, Advertising Hall of Fame

Books

How to Master the Art of the Workaround to Boost Your Productivity

Author Russell Bishop teaches us how to conquer anything that stands in the way at work.

Read more...

Cooking School

Play With Your Food: Try This Fun Waffle Recipe — in French

What do kids know about cooking? A lot, it turns out. Check out this fun recipe for waffles by French student Dylan Gibbs, age 17. Videography by his sister, Anna, a photo/film major at VCUarts.

Read more...

Education

Flora Fraser Wins the 2016 George Washington Prize

A noted British biographer whose work has focused on the women behind great men of history wins this year’s award.

Read more...

Empowerment

Thomas Edison’s Dirty Little Secret

“Great ideas are not always great opportunities,” says Neal Thornberry, Ph.D., pointing to Thomas Edison’s invention of the talking doll. “I think she looks like the Bride of Chucky, and is more than a little spooky.” Good idea?

Read more...

Fine Art

Rufus Butler Seder Explains the Success of Scanimation

Making kids giggle, grown-ups grin — then say “how’d he do that?” — when they look at his scanimation artwork is the goal for Rufus Butler Seder

Read more...

History

Success, the Benjamin Franklin Way

“Writing a review of one of the most famous autobiographies in history feels a bit audacious,” says Márcia Balisciano, founding director of the Benjamin Franklin House in London.

Read more...

Intuition Rules

Can You Find Your Future Success By Using Tarot Cards?

The tarot is a pack of playing cards used from the mid-15th century in various parts of Europe to play a group of card games. Can the deck help you glimpse your future?

Read more...

Management

What Are the Three Major Sins of Sales Management

“It’s a simple fact of business: Without sales, no one else downstream can do their jobs,” says sales manager Jack Daly. What’s the solution?

Read more...

Andrew Carnegie

Publisher
Hope Katz Gibbs
Art Director
Michael Glenwood Gibbs
Website developer
Max Kukoy
Managing Editor
Kathleen McCarthy
Editorial Interns
Meet our 2015 team

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http://www.beinkandescent.com/entrepreneur-of-the-month/1058/michael-gerber-takes-us-inside-the-dreaming-room http://www.beinkandescent.com/tips-for-entrepreneurs/323/the-magic-of-blackboard-inc http://www.theessentialhrhandbook.com http://www.beinkandescent.com/tips-for-entrepreneurs/21/julie-s-tips-for-entrepreneurs

PR Rules

12 Ways to Create a Successful PR Campaign

What sets a successful PR campaign apart from a failure? Logic dictates!

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Quotes

20 Defining Ideas = 10 Quotes on Success + 10 Quotes on Failure

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill

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Inkandescent Radio

Have You Found "Spontaneous Happiness?"

In this podcast interview, Harvard University-trained holistic doctor Dr. Andrew Weil helps us harness the power of “Spontaneous Happiness.”

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Retirement

What Are the Top Three Opportunities to Help Your Children Plan for Their Future?

“One of the biggest things you can do to ensure the success of your financial plan is to make sure your children have a plan,” says Certified Financial Planner Michael Egan.

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Speakers Bureau

Futurist Andy Hines Helps Us Figure Out How to Plan Ahead for Success

Futurist Andy Hines is a lecturer and executive-in-residence at the University of Houston’s Graduate Program in Futures Studies, bringing together the experience he earned as an organizational, consulting, and academic futurist.

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Sports

Professional Skier Aidan Sheahan Finds Soaring Success With "Insight"

Aidan Sheahan’s FLWSTATE is a way of life. “It’s not what you do but how you do it,” says the 24-year-old professional skier who focuses on being mindful and navigating this world with two feet planted firmly on the ground.

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Inkandescent TV

Striving for Success in Retirement

Did you know that women are twice as likely to live below the poverty line during retirement? “It’s shocking, but it’s true,” explains Financial Adviser Carmen Wu of Egan, Berger & Weiner LLC, who offers advice on how to avoid this problem.

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Transformation

Three Lessons I Learned About Business — and Life — From My Dad

Since my Dad’s death on Father’s Day 2013, I have been celebrating his life with a tribute to the man who remains a teacher, and helps me continue to evaluate what it means to have a successful life.

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Truly Amazing Women™

From Shark Bite to Soul Surfer: Truly Amazing Bethany Hamilton

When it comes to finding a role model for finding success through resilience, Bethany Meilani Hamilton-Dirks is at the top of the list. The American professional surfer survived a 2003 shark attack in which her left arm was bitten off.

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Andrew Carnegie

To learn more about becoming a client of Inkandescent Public Relations, or becoming a Be Inkandescent Magazine columnist. send an email to publisher and founder Hope Katz Gibbs at hope@inkandescentpr.com.

Here’s to your incredible, indelible, Inkandescent success!