By Emma Seppälä, PhD
Associate Director, Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education
Stanford University School of Medicine
Founder, and Editor-in-Chief, Fulfillment Daily
If we have a roof above our head, a couple of meals a day, are educated enough to read this article, and have access to a computer and the Internet, we have received more opportunities, material goods, and education than the majority of the world’s population.
In fact, research suggests that, in general, we actually have three times more positive experiences than negative ones. However, burdened with the problems that we inevitably face in life, we often fail to remember the blessings and give too much importance to the problems in our life.
Psychologists have found two reasons for this habit:
1. The Negativity Bias—or Why We Focus on What’s Wrong
Research suggests our perspective is biased toward the negative and that, to our minds, bad is stronger than good. We are more likely to pay attention to and remember negative situations, criticism, or losses than to remember positive events, praise, or gains. Sometimes just hearing one word from someone can spoil our whole day, which may have started out perfectly fine.
Psychologists believe that this tendency to give more weight to the negative may have helped our species survive by highlighting potential dangers to avoid. However, in our current time, our negativity bias is often no longer appropriate and may lead to increased stress and a skewed vision of reality.
2. Habituation—or Why We Forget What’s Right
According to research on the “hedonic treadmill,” we receive an increased boost of happiness when wonderful new events happen (like entering a new relationship, buying a new car, or receiving a promotion) but that, over time, these events lose their ability to bring us renewed joy because we get accustomed to them.
As a consequence, we often fail to appreciate what we have.
We tend to be grateful for what we have only once it is gone: It often takes getting sick to gain a greater appreciation for our health, losing heat in our homes (such as after a natural disaster like Hurricane Sandy) to fully realize how blessed we are to have radiators, or feeling lonely after moving to a new town to value the family and friends we may have taken for granted previously.
So how can we overcome these tendencies? The secret is gratitude. And recent research shows that gratitude has tremendous benefits for our health and happiness.
The Power of Gratitude
Recall a moment when you were feeling grateful. You may have received help from someone, been overwhelmed by the love in your life, or simply been touched by the beauty and warmth of a summer day.
When we feel grateful, the negativity bias automatically releases its grip. Rather than focusing on all the things that are going wrong in our lives, we remember the many blessings that surround us.
Similarly, gratitude counters habituation: When we feel grateful for someone (for example, our mother or spouse for the care they have provided), we experience renewed love and joy at their presence in our lives.
Research has even shown that gratitude is linked to decreased envy and materialism, which makes sense: Once we begin to appreciate what we have in our lives, we are less insecure about what we don’t have and may have less of a need to grasp for more.
In a number of studies, psychologists have shown that in children and adults, gratitude has incredible benefits:
- Gratitude increases social connection—which studies show is essential for health and well-being
- Gratitude increases altruism—which is a strong predictor of happiness
- Gratitude decreases depression and improves optimism and positive emotions—which in turn increase well-being, boost creativity, benefit relationships, and impact longevity
- Gratitude improves health and well-being for people suffering from physical ailments
When the negativity bias occurs, closing our eyes and counting our blessings can help give us a reality check. If we are alive, chances are a great many things are working in our favor. Similarly, remembering to reflect on our lucky stars may help counter habituation so we can keep celebrating all of the ways in which we are blessed.
Sure, there will always be difficult situations in our lives and plenty to grump about. However, we can either let these situations control the state of our mind and spoil our day, or take charge of our own well-being by remembering to smile at all that’s right. The situations may not change, but we will.
Four Ways to Cultivate Gratitude
Though Thanksgiving day only comes around once a year, cultivating gratitude can be of tremendous benefit.
The following two exercises do not take much time, but can lead to tremendous results, according to a number of research studies.
- Make daily gratitude lists and count your blessings: Whether you do so by writing lists, writing in a journal, or reflecting on your way home from work, bring to mind all of the people, things, achievements, and environments that you are grateful for.
- Notice all of the things that happen, each day, to support you: From the bus driver to the janitor at your place of work, the cash register attendant to your best friend, each person, in some way, is helping you.
- Express your gratitude to those around you: We often forget to tell the people closest to us how much we appreciate their support, help, and affection.
- Take a few minutes out of each day to express your gratitude: Write a letter to an old teacher or mentor, send your mom flowers, or write your colleague a recommendation on LinkedIn.
About Emma Seppälä, PhD
Emma Seppälä, is associate director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. To stay up to date on the science of happiness, health, and social connection, visit Fulfillment Daily, or www.emmaseppala.com.